It’s interesting how people expect you to recite your issues at a pop of a ‘customary question’. If you ask me how I am today; I will definitely tell you ‘well’. That’s how the world does it anyway. Yes… and the worst part is that they aint doing well after all. Sometimes a little more is expected even when no one will make that expectation clear.
Let me give you a short story; this particular day, one of my mentors called to just check on me. As usual a short testimony and the question was popped? ‘So how are you?’ He asked. ‘I am well.’ I replied automatically. He then ended the conversation immediately on realization that I was well. That killed me; I slipped into myself and wept bitterly! Definitely I was not well, I was hurting but I did not have the precise words to express my situation. I immediately broke down in tears… the kind that burns your cheeks. I wished he could discern my status. I knew he could offer that shoulder to lean on..Or that assurance that things will be well. But who was to blame here? My mentor or me?
Just before you make that conclusion, No…. I was not to blame. How could I in unprepared state of mind and emotion explain my situation? I was breaking; this is not like a soap opera I had watched the previous night. It was a personal#Secret#personal kinda like issue. As for my mentor, he was not an angle to obviously know that I was bleeding, and for that case he too was not to blame. But how often did ‘we’ keep in touch? Rarely!!! May be he too needed a shoulder at that particular time! The most important point here is to keep in touch with your loved ones. Do not just show up when you have a wedding, funeral, birthday etc. Keep your friends close and your enemies’ closer and make that often call. You may just need them.
This was several years ago and since then I always ask myself how many times have I hugged up on a bleeding heart …That chance to offer an ear , a shoulder to cry on? And the answer is that I cannot tell. But then I can keep in touch with my loved ones to the extent that I will know when they aint ok. So the next time your friend tells you they are well; do not believe in the impression that they are, if you have a different conviction about them. They may just be at the edge of a cliff!
Written By: Ndunge Wa Muthuka (Dinah Muthuka)
Email: dmuthuka@gmail.com
Website: http://www.youngjewels.org
Woke up yesterday and the first thing (before i even saw this blog post) to hit my head were two words: bleeding hearts. It must have come to mind because I was nursing one. Am uncertain how it works, but the way out of a bleeding heart is indeed reaching out to another. There is utter healing in giving than in receiving (again, i have no clue how this one works!).
ReplyDeleteBut on behalf of many bleeding hearts out there you have gone out and hugged and left a lasting impression (especially those hundreds of girls you have visited in various schools), you are hugely appreciated.
Most of the times we tell the truth its only well misinterpreted en we end up getting more hurt....and yes crying heals in a way but for hw long do we cry?
ReplyDeleteWell maybe am wrong ,but av found solace in shutting up my mouth after pouring my heart to the wrong people...an most of the time i will just tell a concern party am fine ....not because i am but because av decided not to trust anyone at the time...wit my heartaches and concerns...i have lived an open book life with most of my friends but just realized its become the talk of town...the reason i opened up to them is because maybe i trusted em for an Ear....thats why maybe i say am fyn while am really not hope one time ill be back to the Lost self .
Pretty good check up point here!!
Thanks Wa Muthuka
Dee this is a very nice post, makes me look back to the number of times in the past i have asked someone "How are you doing" just as a formality, i mean i used to look at it like ni salamu tu. Until one day i asked a pal i hadnt seen for quite a while how they were doing and they started crying. I was left there wondering kwani is how? I only asked you how you are doing, did not do anything wrong. Chiq was hurting and we ended up talking for a while, she opened up and the stuff she was going through was huge...from that day i made a mental note to never ask someone how they are doing unless im willing to look beyond the "Im ok"..i always make a point of reading in between the Im ok-listen to the tone, check the facial expression etc..
ReplyDeleteMwiitu, i feel you on not opening up about what you are going through lest it becomes material for muhahe. But then again, bottling up inside aint very healthy..have a couple of pals you know you can trust and once in a while open up to them and let them know how you are doing...for accountability purposes and also for support and advice, you may not really have all the answers to what you are going through, a pal might help. #JustSaying
some times we lack the strength to even talk to our closest friends but a good friend will know if you not okay
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